911 Calls

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency? 
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. 
Dispatcher: Do you have an address? 
Caller:  No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? 

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? 
Caller :  Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich . 
Dispatcher : Excuse me? 
Caller :  I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bath room, someone had taken a bite out of it. 
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken? 
Caller :  No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it! 

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? 
Caller:   I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. 
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. 
Caller:    I thought you just said it was nine-one-one 
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. 
Caller:    Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. 

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? 
Caller:    My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart !
Dispatcher: Is this her first child? 
Caller:    No, you idiot! This is her husband! 

And the winner is.......... 

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 
Caller:  Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.  Darn....I think I'm going to pass out. 
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? 
Caller:   I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. 
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? 
Caller:   No. 
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller:   Running from the Police.